Try

December 18 – Try. What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn’t go for it?

I am a doer, not a trier, which seems to infuriate my nutritionist, because at my last appointment, she gave me the assignment to try something at which I could not succeed.  And then to sit with the feelings.

I haven’t been back since.  I am scared to try not to succeed; to fail to master a task.  A failed marriage was taste enough of that for me, thanks.

There are many things I want to do in the coming year: commit to working on mastering the languages I speak; run four marathons under each under five hours; provide at least 100 hours of pro bono legal services to a worthy community organization.  And I’ve learned to quantify the things that I want to do, because saying things like, “I want to be a better sister/daughter/partner/friend in 2011” winds up being an exercise in frustration for me.

How do you quantify better without benchmarks?  How do you measure good, better, best without setting any thing by which to measure?

So I have these things I want to do do, and maybe, you know, I’ll try SCUBA diving (but God forbid I fail at SCUBA diving).  And maybe I’ll try to get back to Asia this year.

But maybe I should try something at which I cannot succeed this year.  And sit with how it feels.  Because I’ll survive.  I know I will.

But maybe I should try.  I think I will.

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  1. […] and a beginning.  I am not going to hit this benchmark this year.  It’s a first for me.  But I am also going to fail at something, and have to sit in the feeling, which is something I had intended to do in this new year.  And it marks the start of a new […]

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