How To Tell, Part I

How to Tell If Your (Ex) Partner Is/Was a Selfish Cad…

(Only take this exam if you actually want to find out the answer).

1) Did your partner sleep with someone nearly a decade your junior while you two were together/dating/married? (If yes, proceed to #2; if no, your partner may still be selfish, and proceed to #6)

2) Did she look like you?  (If no, proceed to #3; if yes, proceed to #4)

3) If she didn’t look like you, did she have any/all the physical attributes that your partner claimed not to want in a woman, but yet obsessively sought in every other woman he had dated before you, or eyeballed on the street or on the internet (i.e., significant height; ample bosom; etc.)?  (If yes, your partner is/was a cad, and continue to #6; if no, continue to #5)

4) If she did look like you, your partner is still a cad.

5) If she didn’t look like you, but didn’t have any physical attributes that your partner claimed not to want but secretly did, your partner is also still a cad.

6) So you think your partner is a cad.  You are probably thinking about breaking up, or are in the process of breaking up.  Did you and your partner live(d) together, or share any physical property/space?  (If yes, continue to #7, if no, continue to #8)

7) If you split from your partner, did he take his things from your shared space? (If yes continue to #9, if no, then set them out for Goodwill, immediately.)

8 ) If you didn’t share any property and you didn’t live together, nothing is tying you down; I hope you’ve split from the creep for good, and if you haven’t, why haven’t you run for the hills yet?

9) If he has taken his things, did he take anything that didn’t belong to him, or that was shared property but that was particularly obnoxious for him to take?  (If yes, continue to #10; if no, that doesn’t mean that he’s not a selfish prick.)

10) If the things he took included household necessities, things that will be difficult or impossible to replace, or things that will be extremely expensive to replace and money was an issue in your relationship, he is obviously selfish.  If the things he took were primarily things he brought into the relationship and they were household necessities and they’ll still be extremely expensive to replace, he’s still  selfish.

Take a hard look, now, at how you got to this point.  Re-read the questions above.  He’s a cad.  And he’s selfish.  And he took you for all you were worth, and then took the air-conditioner on top of it.

But the buck stops here, Sweet Thing!  Take a deep cleansing breath.  Breathe out the cad; inhale the fresh air.

There have to be men out there who want what they say they want!  Men who want a strong woman like they say they do, and don’t intend to capture her and try to make her a stay at home wife; men who mean it when they say they adore a flat-chested preppy and who won’t run off with a buxom brunette at the drop of a hat.  Men who are honest; men who are true to their word.

There must be such men.  They can’t all be selfish cads.

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