Reverb 11 – May Prompt: If you participated in Reverb 10 during December of last year, are any of the things you wanted to manifest in 2011 revealing themselves?
Truth be told, I’ve been sitting on different iterations of the same post for a few days now, and I am not getting anywhere with anything.
All of that said, this brings me back to my recent travels.
I saw my family when I was in London and Scotland, and I realized the following: families have the corner market on unsolicited opinions. Friends and bosses and strangers will tell you whatever they think, but families will get into your head. For example, friends are highly unlikely to proffer an opinion beginning with “At your age…”
(I am highly sensitive about the age thing, which was how my previously mentioned slog through the Shitswamp began…)
That said, we sat at dinner last Saturday night — two families — and me, the wayward divorcee; the lone adult child — in the shadow of Edinburgh Castle. The day in Edinburgh had been productive: walking; talking; buying sweaters to defend against the unseasonable chill. They had come in from the Highlands the day prior, and I had flown in from London. I was still exhausted from a busy, buzzy work week of meeting friends and new faces; and, admittedly, recovering from a week’s worth of wine.
I’d been thinking on the May Reverb 11 prompt all day as we walked; wondering what I’d say on it. I had been going back to it when I was ready to strangle my parents over their running commentary of reading road signs; in between the times when I had been writing notes to myself and checking the messages on my phone: have you decided if you are going to come back to London?
Finally, we made it back to the hotel and went to dinner. As we sat at our last dinner in Edinburgh, I thought more on the manifestations of the things I had written in December. This was partly due to the content of our conversations, and partly due to being a bit agitated by my family because I ordinarily travel alone (which, of course, I’d been doing in December when I wrote the bulk of the Reverb 10 posts).
What had come to pass since I wrote those posts? Sure, “simple” things — obtaining the Mount Whitney permit and planning that expedition (insofar as “planning to climb a 14,000ft mountain” is…simple); clearing out the cobwebs of a life I lived for the lion’s share of a decade; airing out the bitterness of the same. But some things were and are not so simple, and perhaps, they are beginning to manifest.
For instance…I was struck by my Letters to My Other Selves. As I sat at dinner in Edinburgh, it seemed the things I’d always thought to be true perhaps were not; the words I’d always thought were meaningful were perhaps only to keep the silence at bay; that the problem was not me, at all. It was just the way that I had perceived things; the box in which I was trying to fit.
Of course, I mentioned little-to-none of this during dinner. We talked about love; relationships; things of substance. And I do love hearing what my family has to say about these topics. They are, by all accounts, successful at relationships, marriage — and marriage and relationships are important in my family.
The topic of the meal and the residual thoughts I was having on the week I’d had in London were still swirling in my head, even as the Reverb 11 post was forming. So we finished the meal and I went back to the hotel room and called American Express Travel. I cancelled my planned flight to Dublin for the next morning, instead decided to return to London a day early by train.
My letter to my other selves had suggested a few things: to listen to myself; to laugh more; to love more; to think before doing.
I’m laughing at myself now, because by last Sunday, I was “listening to myself” and patting myself on the back for having “thought ahead” in what I perceived to be the most important way possible…I had cracked a fortune cookie on the Monday afternoon prior, as if to get a reading on what my trip had in store.
(Mind you, I am a grown woman. A Grown Woman…with TWO LAW DEGREES and I still think that consulting FORTUNE COOKIES is the best way to conduct my personal life…and I cannot be convinced otherwise).
(© Meredith’s Daily Angst)
So…all of that said…I got up on Sunday morning, and I got on a train. And chose to begin a new and peculiar adventure.