“I use to worry that friendships could end at anytime with saying or doing something wrong. Good friendships are not as precarious as you think.” David’s words echoed in my head all day.
On Saturday night, over drinks and dessert, my friend Alice and I had talked about the elastic nature of the human heart; the way friendships grow and shrink. These few years had brought so much opportunity; transition. Reflection. Change.
Nothing endures but change.
That time has arrived again. Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (it is worth it just to write or say the name) said, “The universe is change; our life is what our thoughts make it.” It is words that have great power to move people and create the world around you. Every year around this same time New York City wears me down to the point where a change in scenery is necessary. The energy of the city changes and people are frantically trying to finish up goals that were set in the beginning of the year. But for me, personally and professionally, I have always been more of person to make changes gradually, seeking balance.
For the first time in a very long time, I have people putting up their safety nets around me as I set up deep foundations for my new life. At an early age, I was taught that you must rely on yourself because others will fall short around you. In adulthood, I have learned that this is not untrue, but skewed. Yes, people inevitably disappoint you and as adults we get accustomed to dealing with those emotions. But then we learn as we get older to eliminate those people from our lives — or more importantly, we learn to let go of their rhetoric and negativity.
However, what is more difficult to process is the people who surprise you and tell you that you are important to them. They are a rare breed indeed. I have found them. They are surrounding me during this seasonal transition. For the first time in my life, I am expressing my feelings more openly without the fear of reprimand and judgment. It’s frightening.
The image of the woman that I see beyond the looking glass has become clearer and clearer with each passing day, and she is a force to be reckoned with. She is formidable, kind, confident, sexy, attractive, and lights up a room when she walks in. She is me, sometimes. And I keep looking.
I was on Facebook and wondered why a wedding photographer from Miami was so interested in being friends. He had taken photos of acquaintance of mine who had gotten engaged. They had had a magical engagement photo session in Paris — it had really caught my eye and I had remarked upon it. But the more of the body of work of his that I view, I realize that he sells that fantasy of what weddings bring and the vision of what his images capture from his imagination. He is a puppet master, an influencer. Later, I returned to the Facebook page to learn news of the same acquaintance’s brother’s passing. Death. Again.
Swept away. We all have those moments where we’re swept away, curious about others lives, our own lives, but what does it all mean? Even with the changing reflection, my eternal flame burns brightly, my heart beats soundly, stronger, and I breathe and remain grounded in that comfort.
What you have been up to and who is it that stares back at you in your looking glass? Who are you, dear reader?