December 13: Do-Over: Of the things that happened this year, if you had the chance to do X all over again, what would it be?
Of what I did this year, what would I do over if I could?
I say “I love you” a lot. A lot – a lot. But I would say it more.
I would’ve shown up to more things, instead of being too-cool-for-school.
I would’ve slept more, when and where I could’ve.
I’d have yelled less; laughed more; been more open to change and possibility; eaten more ice cream.
I have none.
I sent as many letters as I could. I collected as many passport stamps as humanly possible; had some incredible meals, and spent time with wonderful friends — new friends; old friends; friends I thought I’d never see again.
I used more em-dashes and semi-colons and exclamation points than any one woman should use in a lifetime. But I wouldn’t correct any of that.
I’m not sure I would do anything over, really, but I would say — shout! — I love you! more, maybe.
And I do. I love you I love you I love you I love you and you and you and you, I do.
I do most things with a poker-face; I learned after years of having my heartbroken to keep everything close. But given the chance, I’d tell the people I love how much I love them, and I’d say it a lot more — in ways that gave them what they needed.
I would also probably (maybe?) make more velveeta chilli dip. And maybe even wear leopard print more often. There was something that felt wickedly wrong and sexy but oh-so-right about that whole process-cheese-food and synthetic fabric affair.
But that can be our little secret.